Intrinsic Love

Okay, I have been promising to post about my quick engagement and marriage for a good while. Here goes:

The lover and I were skyping each other as part of our daily ritual. He and I had been fanasizing about married life for months…i think i was trying to elope in august, which is only a month after we started our relationship.lol. Any way, we were talking and somehow we were talking about marriage. He asked my time frame and i replied “ASAP?” so he and I started laughing and then he asked me “for real. what is your timef rame?” I said within the next two years, but the sooner the better, blah blah blah. He got quiet for a moment and then he was like “why do you want to marry me?” So, i naturally clammed up alittle but i told him.It all boiled down to “I love your soul” I knw, you are probably thinking “seriously?” but I really feel that way.

Back to the dramatic story… So he got all mushy and told me all the reasons he loved me and wanted to get married to me and then we had a serious moment where he suggested eloping..let’s just say there was a panic attack and  two sets of misted eyes involved.  We talked about the idea. In my heart it was perfect but he told me to think on it a few more days and sent me to bed (i hate when he does that.lol) I tossed and turned all night. The 7 yrs old in me was pissed i was considering it…she had our wedding all planned out. Me in purple, all my brides maids in white. He in a grey suit with a lavender top , a deep purple tie and handkerchief…blah blah blah. But seriously? It wasn’t vital… I just wanted to be his bride.

The next night, he told me we needed to wait. I was pissed…but i just said okay„ which only made him sure about waiting because I apparently can’t express my feelings about emotional stuff without clamming up and feeling like my feelings dont matter. I was heart broken. I gave up on the idea and went back to being hopeful it would happen. over the remainin week, we worked on communicting and expressing ourselves. He wourked on shutting me out, i worked on validating my own feeling.

fast forward to February 18th:

we were skyping again. I was home sick on bed rest, so i looked a triflin mess and he brought it up again…i got really nauseous and anxious (ridiculous, right?). He needed to vent about how he couldn’t figure out a decent proposal (mind you, we were best friends and were used to sharing everything…apparently he couldn’t hide this from me anymore.lol) and i told him I didn’t care about a ring (i still don’t. i’m more than likely to lose it seeing as my fingers swell and shrink constantly throughout the day), I didn’t care if it was romantic or not, i just want it to be real and from the heart. For some reason, this turned into an argument…leave it to Chewie to get mad at me for not caring about formalities and wanting it simple.lol

By the end of the night, we compromised: I didn’t need an engagement ring and he would get me the tea rose wedding band I liked (before i realized my finger dilemna). around midnight, he asked me to marry him in May when he came home. We talked about a small wedding…like our closest friends, our parents, siblings and aunt/uncles and my grandparents.We were gonna get Hoffy to officiate (she has been trying to get us together since 12th grade) and then have a picnic.I was officially engaged!

At first it was fun when everyone was congratulating us and giving us well wishes. Then came all the questions. I was tired of explaining why I had no ring, why we werent picking an exact date, that yes I understood he might get stationed somewhere I couldn’t go and might not get to see him. Tired of explaining I wasnt have bridesmaids, we weren’t having a traditional reception or ceremony. Tired of correcting the assumptions I was pregnant (how that would be possible in their minds considering he was at boot camp the months before, the one time i saw him we spent 90% of it on a train and 5% at the train station…and that he is in florida now…smh). And then there was the never ending questions about my virginity and all the advice on how to lose it -_-.  I hated all the attention by day 2 after posting our engagement on fb. He was getting equally harrassed.

After all of that, we decided when he came home we would just go to the top of Federal Hill with Jenn and no one else would get to see it. There would be no need for anyone trying to control our plans or voicing opinions during our time of excitement and love. Just us and my Big-Me!  We would then meet everyone for dessert and mingling at our favorite Cafe( Teavolve tea room) and then leave for our honeymoon.

 Of course we eventually didnt want to wait anymore. I was already scheduled to travel to Pensacola to visit him for 4 days. Around my birthday weekend, he was like ” Babe, why dont we just elope when you get here?” I teared up a little. I asked him if he was sure and he was like ” As long as it’s you, i dont care where we are.” I had been thinking about it during the whole frustration with family and “friends” and agreed. What better way to start our marriage than alone? We are in this together. Our marriage is OUR marriage, so why not go into it with just us if we have to live it with just us? For some reason that was ultra romantic to me. I’m telling you, if it has meaning, it is romantic to me. It doesn’t matter how simple it is.

After that, I had two weeks to figure out what to wear. I found a beautiful cream Maxi dress at forever21. I had a creamy rose hair flower and a brown summer sweater. I found my uncle’s fedora and bought some beige platforms, a brown belt. Bohemian flare at it’s best. the Love decided to wear his dress blues and we were set.  Since we aren’t natives of Florida, we didnt have to worry about a wait period after applying for marriage. All that was needed was to get there…..

Okay, I have been promising to post about my quick engagement and marriage for a good while. Here goes:

The lover and I were skyping each other as part of our daily ritual. He and I had been fanasizing about married life for months…i think i was trying to elope in august, which is only a month after we started our relationship.lol. Any way, we were talking and somehow we were talking about marriage. He asked my time frame and i replied “ASAP?” so he and I started laughing and then he asked me “for real. what is your timef rame?” I said within the next two years, but the sooner the better, blah blah blah. He got quiet for a moment and then he was like “why do you want to marry me?” So, i naturally clammed up alittle but i told him.It all boiled down to “I love your soul” I knw, you are probably thinking “seriously?” but I really feel that way.

Back to the dramatic story… So he got all mushy and told me all the reasons he loved me and wanted to get married to me and then we had a serious moment where he suggested eloping..let’s just say there was a panic attack and  two sets of misted eyes involved.  We talked about the idea. In my heart it was perfect but he told me to think on it a few more days and sent me to bed (i hate when he does that.lol) I tossed and turned all night. The 7 yrs old in me was pissed i was considering it…she had our wedding all planned out. Me in purple, all my brides maids in white. He in a grey suit with a lavender top , a deep purple tie and handkerchief…blah blah blah. But seriously? It wasn’t vital… I just wanted to be his bride.

The next night, he told me we needed to wait. I was pissed…but i just said okay„ which only made him sure about waiting because I apparently can’t express my feelings about emotional stuff without clamming up and feeling like my feelings dont matter. I was heart broken. I gave up on the idea and went back to being hopeful it would happen. over the remainin week, we worked on communicting and expressing ourselves. He wourked on shutting me out, i worked on validating my own feeling.

fast forward to February 18th:

we were skyping again. I was home sick on bed rest, so i looked a triflin mess and he brought it up again…i got really nauseous and anxious (ridiculous, right?). He needed to vent about how he couldn’t figure out a decent proposal (mind you, we were best friends and were used to sharing everything…apparently he couldn’t hide this from me anymore.lol) and i told him I didn’t care about a ring (i still don’t. i’m more than likely to lose it seeing as my fingers swell and shrink constantly throughout the day), I didn’t care if it was romantic or not, i just want it to be real and from the heart. For some reason, this turned into an argument…leave it to Chewie to get mad at me for not caring about formalities and wanting it simple.lol

By the end of the night, we compromised: I didn’t need an engagement ring and he would get me the tea rose wedding band I liked (before i realized my finger dilemna). around midnight, he asked me to marry him in May when he came home. We talked about a small wedding…like our closest friends, our parents, siblings and aunt/uncles and my grandparents.We were gonna get Hoffy to officiate (she has been trying to get us together since 12th grade) and then have a picnic.I was officially engaged!

At first it was fun when everyone was congratulating us and giving us well wishes. Then came all the questions. I was tired of explaining why I had no ring, why we werent picking an exact date, that yes I understood he might get stationed somewhere I couldn’t go and might not get to see him. Tired of explaining I wasnt have bridesmaids, we weren’t having a traditional reception or ceremony. Tired of correcting the assumptions I was pregnant (how that would be possible in their minds considering he was at boot camp the months before, the one time i saw him we spent 90% of it on a train and 5% at the train station…and that he is in florida now…smh). And then there was the never ending questions about my virginity and all the advice on how to lose it -_-.  I hated all the attention by day 2 after posting our engagement on fb. He was getting equally harrassed.

After all of that, we decided when he came home we would just go to the top of Federal Hill with Jenn and no one else would get to see it. There would be no need for anyone trying to control our plans or voicing opinions during our time of excitement and love. Just us and my Big-Me!  We would then meet everyone for dessert and mingling at our favorite Cafe( Teavolve tea room) and then leave for our honeymoon.

 Of course we eventually didnt want to wait anymore. I was already scheduled to travel to Pensacola to visit him for 4 days. Around my birthday weekend, he was like ” Babe, why dont we just elope when you get here?” I teared up a little. I asked him if he was sure and he was like ” As long as it’s you, i dont care where we are.” I had been thinking about it during the whole frustration with family and “friends” and agreed. What better way to start our marriage than alone? We are in this together. Our marriage is OUR marriage, so why not go into it with just us if we have to live it with just us? For some reason that was ultra romantic to me. I’m telling you, if it has meaning, it is romantic to me. It doesn’t matter how simple it is.

After that, I had two weeks to figure out what to wear. I found a beautiful cream Maxi dress at forever21. I had a creamy rose hair flower and a brown summer sweater. I found my uncle’s fedora and bought some beige platforms, a brown belt. Bohemian flare at it’s best. the Love decided to wear his dress blues and we were set.  Since we aren’t natives of Florida, we didnt have to worry about a wait period after applying for marriage. All that was needed was to get there…..

I just realized i gave a mini update a while ago…where the hell was I when i wrote it? lol… I’m telling you, brain fog is a BXtch! I really don’t remember the update, but my last update is better than the first one..that one was …who am I kidding? It was cool too. Oh well. Y’all now I have fibromyalgia, so if it happens again, stfu and deal.lol. Okay… i’m done ranting.lol. Back to my story, after i figure out how and where to start it.lol… Chewie is excited i’m working on our blog again. He loves I have public account of our love. To be honest, its no where as amazing as it should and could have been. I will be be taking drastic steps to pay the proper Homage to our love. If you don’t like it, don’t read it. I will have another blog about my fibro and one for spiritual wellness too…and gypsy-pirate-fairy fashion and love.lol.

Wow, it has been so long since I posted anything of substance to this here blog. So much has happened! For one, he proposed; two, I took my first serious bus trip down to Pensacola to see him; three, we got married in Pensacola: it was the best decision we have ever made; four, we finally joined together physically and  we decided to possibly start a family next year!

I know, huge! Monumental! Amazing! Romantic! Right? Well, since I gave you a beautiful synopsis, so to speak, let me give you a full account. I even have pictures! I am going to break up part and add pictures as I go along so I will have successfully made a gazillion posts when I am done this entire account of our new ending/beginning. I call it the ending because it was the end of life as we know it. We are no longer just two people who committed to long term, long distance relationship. We are now one unit, separated by land but together as one. SOOO ROMANTIC when I put it that way. Lol. It is the beginning of a crazy new chapter in our life. It sucks we are spending most of this chapter in separate states, in separate beds, in different time zones, but we are both in the same story. The ending of our story is shared. When one thing happens to me, it is essentially happening to both of us and vice versa. Are you ready?

Side note: I don’t know why I am narrating this so dramatically. It must be a combination of happiness, love, boredom and just my magical, dramatic and intense nature. Or…maybe it’s not dramatic, but the voice in my head just sounds dramatic as I type this. DON”T JUDGE ME! Lol… I don’t care if you think I’m weird. We both are pretty weird…some days I really think I’m he weirdest, but he’ll tell you or me otherwise (possibly to not hurt my fragile Piscean feelings…*shrugs*)

I am going to have to make a couple posts a day to really make up for lack of attention to my here love blog. Alot of hings have changed since my lsst post. I had started a few posts and never finished them. I decided to start them over. I will say one thing: i am now a navy wife!!! I know. It all happened so quickly and yet, its about time! Pussy footin around for over 8 yrs about our feelings forever and we finally wisened up and got together 9 moons ago! I can believe I am now his wife! I was prepared to wait 2 maybe 4 yrs till a wedding. I am not dissappointed in our reality, by any means. We took it oldschool rebellious and went to the courthouse. It was more “us” anyway. I didnt have to worry about stumbling over my words, if everyone approved of my dress.whether my parents were getting along. If i should have made a s”no alcohol list” for our family drunks, etc,etc. It was the way our marriage should be: just us. I feel so much joy being his wife. He is my best friend and i know he has my back. He has been there for me through sooo much and even thouh he knows how serious mh fibromyalgia is, he is willing to support and care for me. I am the absolute luckiest girl in the world. I couldnt ask for a more loving, supportive and caring mate. He distance shit bugs me though, but i know home is where ever he is and i”ll be with him soon enough. After his enlistment, we are going to buy a big house and his camaro or mustang, travel, raise our kids and run my boutique. I can see us takin ling walks and sitting around a fire wih wine. Going to the beach and jusy relaxing. I just want a simple life filled with joyful memories and love with him. I plan on making our married life the best cause he deserves my best…im going to stop here. Good night guys